When Two Worlds Collided

Two worlds collided over Memorial Day weekend. It was a weekend that was full of many different emotions: heartache, pain, sorrow, yet full of joy for our Father. It is so hard to describe exactly every little feeling. It all felt so surreal.


 

It is most difficult to process two worlds that do not make sense quite yet. One full of memories of what once was, and the other that is now. The sorrow is ever present. It is a constant friend or foe depending on your perspective. Yet, there is joy, there is hope knowing that God is our strength. Life is bittersweet.


 

Our Mom was a most extraordinary woman. She loved us in such a way that no woman ever has. There was no doubt in each of our minds that she cared for every single one of us. She made sacrifices for us. She gave her life for others. It is this love from her that makes the void feel so deep. We can all be grateful that we had a taste of heaven through her in our lives.


 

Now, as our Father, whom we have only known with our Mom embarks on this new beginning it seems so strange to see him with anyone else other than our Mom. He loves each of us enough to want us to be a part of this new journey. It is a foreign way of living when it seems like all those happy memories of someone so dear to you feels as if it all is slipping away to be forgotten forever. Yet, I know that is not what is happening.


 

It is all these feelings that pollute being rational. I have learned to be slow to action during this time of grieving. To be perfectly honest, my husband has received the worst of these struggles within me. He has been so gracious as I battle through every emotion, rational or not. I am thankful I am not alone. He has learned to bring me coffee in bed (this is a nice perk!). For those of you who know me well, you can laugh knowing how amazing I think this is. I wish I liked mornings better.


 

Many have asked me how I was able to officiate the wedding for my Dad and Step Mom. To put it quite simply, Love. I knew from the beginning that this was God. It was more than evident to me that God brought my Dad and his new wife together and they gave me the greatest honor to be able to officiate it for them. I was able to talk through the tears because God gave me the strength I needed. God is strong in the broken places.


 

I also feel like I need to explain the tears. Some people thought I was just sad. Other people thought I was simply happy. It was both for me. Two worlds collided in that moment and I was overwhelmed with grief, and joy all in one setting. It was a definite and more solid ending to what our family once was and who my Dad used to be. But it was also a beginning to a new joyous journey with an added gift of a wonderful woman of God whose love and care for our journey up to this point has been rather remarkable.


 

My tears also represented a huge miracle for my husband and I personally. We saved the flower girl spot for our daughter J, for our wedding (for those of you who do not know, I am a Step Mom to a beautiful girl). When this did not happen because of unfair actions from the other party, it was hard for both of us. J was able to be a flower girl for my Dad’s wedding. I was crying because it was truly a miracle that she was there. I also felt like this was something that Mom would have wanted and prayed for herself.


 

God was showering us blessings in multiple ways. These realizations came upon me, wave after wave within the ceremony itself. I found myself shaking as emotion after emotion flooded my heart. And the tears just fell. It was beautiful.


 

 

Philippians 4:13

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

 

Do not give up.

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Do not give up. Be obedient. This is only a season. Cling to God.


These are all phrases that I have been telling myself a lot lately. In a moment of raw honesty, there have been some days where the battle seemed to be so harsh that I literally wanted to give up. In those moments, I was mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Instead of giving up, I kept on talking to God all day long. When things got pretty intense I would crawl into his lap and just rest there.  I found myself also just saying to God, “I love you, God” over and over again through my hardest moments. My love for him is the reason why I did not give in to the temptation to drop everything I was doing and just leave it all behind.


As a new adventure presents itself and I look back on the years, I am so thankful that I did not give up. I am so thankful that God carried me. I am so thankful for his love.


If you are going through some really intense battles I encourage you to cling to God. Do not give up. It is worth persevering through. You are God’s beloved. He loves you. Strength is found in him. Let go and rest in his love, for it is his love that conquers all things. His love casts out fear.


Victory! Freedom!


Rest.


Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” (NLT)

The Crashing Waves

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There are moments in life when everything comes rushing in all at the same time.


Sometimes it feels like I am in the sea, waves crashing against me one after the other. When I begin to look around at everything that is going on around me, it can take my breath away. The waves are never ending. It is when I focus my eyes on Jesus that I realize that I have breath and can keep my head above the waves.


There comes a time in life, after all these things collide, that one must just be. Breathe. Relax. Rest in the arms of Jesus. The Lord reveals himself in so many ways. It can be easy to get caught up in our selfishness that each of us are born in. This is so easy to do especially when unfair things happen in life: betrayal, death, lies, sickness, disrespect, slander and rejection. Have not all of us been touched by this in some way?


A life with Jesus finds the joy amidst such things. A heart for Jesus, says, “I will endure anything just to be more like you, just to be able to spend time in your presence everyday.” It is this desire that fuels every breath I take. It helps me to sleep well at night and roll out of bed each morning to go pour out my life everyday.


There is nothing better than to know just how much God is for you, just how much he loves you!


He shows me who I am constantly. When waves come my way in order to make me believe a lie and allow myself to become defeated, he shows me that he has prepared me for such a time. Life is so much more than just flesh and blood. There is a battle raging. It rages like the seas.


Who do you say that you are, reader? Are you prepared for death? Are you prepared to endure hardship just so that others may know that God is love; that he pursues them on a daily basis? Are you ready to be in battle everyday, no matter how tired that you are, just so that God can use you to bring others into his light and furious love? He wants to become more a part of your life. He desires you. He loves quality time. And as you are on the battlefield he is there showing you how amazing he is by the things he does through you.


Life with Jesus is a grand adventure. If you think otherwise then I challenge you to spend more quality time with God through prayer and studying his word. The more that he becomes more and you become less, a new life unfolds. You will be able to pray for people, and help people in ways that are beyond your human ability to help. You can have strength to face your greatest fears. In all of these experiences you will become more interwoven with Gods heart. Through every joy and trial, through every mountain in your path, you will be swept up in awe at Gods glory, power, omnipotence, grace, and love.


He is a good God. His love is always there. When the arms of those you love can no longer hold you, his will always be there to sweep you up to be close enough to hear his heartbeat. Such peace.


Plumbs newest album has a song called “Smoke”. The Chorus speaks what my heart says during this time in my life. So many things have ended. So many things have felt like they went up in smoke, forcing me to let go.


Chorus:

“You are my hope
You are my song
You are the oxygen inside these weary lungs
You are my safe place
You are my home
You are my shelter when it all goes up in smoke”


And the bridge says,

“My healer
Provider
You are my God
Protector
My strength and shield
You are my God”



Through it all, God is so good. I will declare who he is no matter how hard things might get. He never changes. Therefore, he is always good and his love and power rage on despite the waves that may be crashing in your life.


Psalm 18:1-3 (ESV)

I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.