I literally have three different Step Mom posts in my draft folders. There are several reasons for this. My fellow Step Mom friends will understand that the role we choose to take on is full of rejection, back stabbing and hard holy work as we love and cherish our kids. Sometimes we struggle with our roles because it can change depending on what our child needs at the time and what family gathering we might be at.
To begin I want to talk about honor. Too often honor gets dumped out as things get messy sharing kids back and forth between homes. Our daughter has three and you can just begin to imagine how difficult that is. Ever since the day I officially had the privilege to start my Step Mom role I wanted to make sure that my daughter’s Bio Mom was respected and honored. This can often feel difficult when it is not reciprocated. I have walked through a constant grieving process as I have honored her Mom and Grandma’s role. I would be quiet at mutual gatherings, stand back and watch rather than introduce myself, and go without hugging my daughter.
I would be careful with every word and every action because I feared any backlash upon my husband and daughter. Fear kept me from being fully myself. But I am so sick of this. I am sick of believing lies about myself.
I used to believe the lie that I made things worse. It seemed like the more I loved her, and supported her Daddy, the more both of them would receive backlash. For that reason, I hid in the shadows and remained quiet. But I felt like I was the big elephant in the room no matter what I did.
We are not welcome and our daughter continues to pay tremendously just because we are in her life.
I used to cringe at the thought of knowing that by showing any love for her in person would end poorly for her later. It made me want to stop anything just to protect her from the verbal and emotional abuse later. But why would I choose to not love when she so desperately needed it? Which one was better for her to go without? Why would I choose both lack of love on my end as well as the other end?
So I choose to love no matter what. I pray and weep knowing what she often faces for our love but at least she knows love. At least she knows the difference. I hope one day, ashes will fall and she will rise victoriously courageous knowing who she is and that she is deeply loved even if other people show her and tell her the opposite. I hope that what she remembers is that we chose her. I hope she remembers love, the unconditional love that remained through every trial, heartache, and joy.
Yes, daughter, you are chosen. You have been fought for. You are loved. You have been made victorious!
There is a song by Misty Edwards with a line that says, “I want to put my passion in a bottle and break it over your feet”, like the time Mary anointed Jesus with perfume.
If I could put all that I am; all my dreams; all my passions; all my love; all of me into a bottle I would want to break it over Jesus’ feet and anoint him with it. As I think about what this means, it puts everything into perspective. There is nothing more that I would want other than to love my Savior in this way.
As I reflect over the past several years, everything that I have gone through has been worth it. It helped fill up the bottle of expensive perfume to anoint over the feet of the one who calls me Beloved. My bottle is full of joy, gratefulness, thanksgiving, blessing and every part of who I am. I long to give to him all of me even though I know it is nothing in comparison to what he has given to me.
I will live my life filling my bottle to pour over Jesus’ feet. I pray that it is a sweet aroma that brings a smile to his face.
Lies are falling to the floor. Like drops of rain lies hit the ground with a gentle splash. I stomp over every single one. Joy rolls out from deep within me.
Laughter fills my belly. New wrinkles appear on my face from joy filling up my face.
My new declaration has been,
“Thank you Lord for the lies that are crumbling and falling to the ground. Thank you for filling the gaps with your truth.”
Everyday I say this declaration. I say it even if nothing has occurred. I say it when I feel defeated or lonely. I say it after having conquered and won. I say it believing every word.
This journey is like dancing in the rain and sleet. It is not an easy task but it is a joyful one.
I know who my God is. He is mighty. He is powerful. He breathes life into my lungs. He is joy. He is love. I would not trade this life with him for anything else. Freedom feels good; it feels like the wind against my face running in fields of wildflowers. The sweet scent drifting up from the petals reaching towards the son fill my lungs and heal deep wounds that once made it hard to breathe. Now I breathe holy fire as if nothing had ever happened.
God is good.
He is my one-and-only.
“Why are you stuck in how you have always known it when I have set you free? Just walk in my freedom! Dance in my freedom. Joy is yours. Pick it up and live the way that I intended for you.”
2017 has been described to me as my “Wow” year.
Since January 2017 I have stepped foot from one victory to another. For the first time in a very long time my mind feels like it has been set free from cobwebs and tight fascia that once felt like it restricted freedom, joy and truth to reign. It is the reason for my lack in writing on this blog.
Perhaps I should not have kept my journey to myself? The reason why I question my silence is because God has literally done so much the past several months. I did not realize how long time had gone by since I last posted in any format. For this I am sorry because I am a writer and intend to share in order to encourage and help others.
There have been many freedom moments or “aha” moments since January. I found myself one day realizing that God had set me free and I did not change my thought process or habit. How often do we do this? We scream or yell, “I want to be free!” and instantly forget that God just walked us into victory. We have never needed to fight for it because it was already given to us.
Lies have been crumbling, and dropping to the floor like rain drops. In place of those lies God’s truth has filled in all of the gaps and holes. As this continues to take place on a weekly basis, toxic thoughts continue to die and a beautiful tree full of gorgeous blooms grows in its place. Freedom from bondage and heartache from holding on for too long is truly enabling me to soak up revelation of the truth that has always been right before me. It is a fun adventure!
2017 is my “Wow” year and I continue to walk in miracles and joy! I look forward to sharing more with you soon.
I am back! 😉
What is holding us back? Have you ever wanted to stand firm in who you are and not sink back into false guilt, fear, or self-loathing? Destined To Win by Kris Vallotton eloquently and honestly addresses heart issues and lies that may keep us from living with our full potential. He talks about important keys from scripture that establish who each of us are in Christ and applies it to life and ministry.
Some of my favorite topics were where Vallotton addressed some of the reasons why we might tend to strive too much or somehow stray from our destinies. A large portion of what he talks about is “discovering your people”. Are you working for and/or surrounding yourself with people with the same vision, same passion and same heart? Often times we just have not yet found our people who will not only encourage us along the way but partner with us to fulfill God’s call upon our lives. Other topics included establishing healthy boundaries, knowing that Jesus is the savior and we are not, forgiveness, and understanding that it will take a lot of hard work to fulfill your destiny.
What I love the most is that Vallotton is so open about his own life that anyone can relate. He uses a great balance of humor and truth that I often found myself highlighting, circling and starring things on the pages as well as saying, “uh huh” or “right on” out loud. I deeply appreciate his honesty. I value his insight from the wisdom that he has gained from his own life and study of God’s word.
God desires each of us to live victorious, free and full of joy and hope. The question is whether you are ready to live out your God given destiny and put in the hard work to do so? Each of us are Destined to Win.
I received this book from booklookbloggers.com and these opinions are my own.