Memories are complex. The other night I was thinking of my Mom. I remembered when she was pregnant with my brother and how sick she was. It was almost as if I experienced being a little girl again who wanted my Mom to feel better again. Being a child I thought that by sharing my favorite doll and laying the doll on her belly would make her better. My favorite doll always made me happy and helped my tears go away. Such a precious memory right? My Mom in her exhaustion did such a good job to encourage me even when I was full of energy and I did not make rest easy for her.

I am now the same age as my Mom when she had my brother. For some reason it is a very significant age for me. I wish I could visit Heaven and ask her all the questions going through my mind these days. I have a brother or sister in Heaven that I have never met and I know my Mom would understand every thought and feeling.

There are days I wish I had my sister to chat with. I miss us three girls all together. I had always dreamt that my Mom, sister and I would talk girl talk and about kids with cups full of hot coffee. Those days will never be.

I am blessed with others who understand but no one can replace my Mom.

Love you Mom!


No Grey

Black or white. Truth or lies. There is no grey area regarding our words.

Have you ever been nervous to be in someone’s presence who you knew had been told awful lies about you?

This alone can make one feel instantly unsafe.

It is horrible when slanderous words are used to steal your true identity or the identity of ones you love. Gossip and slander can steal the opportunity away for a genuine connection with others. Relationships, and entire family units can be torn apart just by one person sowing lies about individuals character and life. It is sad. It breaks hearts.

Until repentance occurs and time reveals that the lies have stopped, things will never be remotely similar to what they once were. With children the lies they may believe could take a lifetime to work through.

What we say is very powerful. Death and life is in the tongue. We either uplift or tear down. There is no grey area.

Choose your words wisely.

Choose love.

Choose truth.

The Choice I Make

There is something very powerful when we can make the decision to choose hope. I truly believe that hope is often a choice much like love is. There are many mountains in our lives. Much of what we face look impossible through our eyes. But if we choose hope, we choose to look at life through the eyes of God.

Mountains bow at His name. Kingdoms fall. Circumstances miraculously & supernaturally at lightning speed, change! Darkness flees. Healing floods hearts, minds & bodies. Death and the grave are defeated. Life is birthed out of nowhere.

I choose hope!

Stones of Remembrance

Stones of Rememberance: Healing Scriptures for Your Mind, Body, and Soul is a practical guide to healthy living. Written by Daniel G. Amen, a Medical Doctor who has studied the brain, this book can be a good asset to add to your daily routine. The book is split into three sections. The first reviews the 12 stones of remembrance. These are all practical tools for self-care and overall health. I appreciated each category because the 12 stones represented health for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

The second part shares 12 verses everyone can remember for 15 differing needs like sickness, depression, hope, fear, and loneliness. The last part is 12 important verses everyone should memorize and know by heart. For an added bonus there are tips to not only learn how to memorize scripture but healthy snack options as well as exercises to improve your memory. This book emphasizes in a simple way how much healthy living can help your brain and how a healthy brain can help your heart, mind & body. Everything impacts something else and it is important that each of us treats our mind, body & soul with great care.

If you are looking for ways to help you learn scripture and know it by heart this book is a good start. It is an easy read & keeps things short and sweet. If you are wanting to read more about the brain and how it affects your health I’m assuming you would want to read Dr. Amens other book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. I have not read this book but may now since I was hoping to read more behind the science of the importance of the 12 stones of remembrance and the recorded health benefits. Either way, knowing Gods word is a crucial part of our health for mind, body & soul.

I have received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers and these opinions are my own.

Pregnant With (full of) Hope!

There has been an immense amount of love and support since I shared my last blog post. Thank you!

I wanted to video a message of what has been on my heart recently. I am so full of hope. I know how good, how faithful and how mighty my God is. He is not limited by test results, bad news, diseases, addictions, or any mountain in the path of life. Rocks are thrown into the depths of the sea. Mountains crumble. He is mighty. He is faithful.

It is because of what He has done already and who He is that I know He loves and cares for me. No matter what happens He is what matters the most. He is my hope. He is my joy. He is the reason I am pregnant with hope!

Celebrate Michael

Let me introduce you to someone so precious. He was a miracle. He was a gift.

The first part of November I was having strange symptoms. At first I thought my body was responding to an amazing but extremely busy season of ministry & was protesting. I had also been battling colds for a month & a half. There was a strange fatigue that had settled in my body. So time went on & I remember feeling “pregnant”. I cast it aside as wishful thinking.

It had been impossible for me to conceive. I had already had a previous miscarriage that did not last past the first month early on in our marriage in 2011. I had already grieved through not being able to give birth to one of my own flesh. Hope was on the horizon to foster or adopt and continue loving my daughter (SD). I was content. 

In November a pregnancy test confirmed what was once deemed impossible. Our world was turning upside down and landed a bit lopsided in the most precious and beautiful way. 

I told my husband that I was battling against fear and could only believe life. I felt like I had already lost too much to handle any alternative. Every day I placed my hands on my belly and declared life. I prayed for every organ, for every tissue formation, ten toes, ten fingers and that all would go smoothly. At night I wept with thankfulness because of this beautiful miracle. I fell asleep embracing my baby and told him how much he was loved. The journey felt like a dream.

We had talked in detail about how we wanted to tell the good news and when to do it. Even though I wanted to shout and celebrate his life right away we both agreed that telling family in person would be the best way. 

(Week 6 pregnancy picture)

Week 6 went by and I was so sick & tired. I was so happy because it was the only way that I knew that he was doing well. Week 7, and 8 slipped by without any issues. By week 9 I was able to get into the Dr. and all my test results came back without any signs of complications. He was really coming! He was really real! By this time my belly was starting to grow & I felt pregnant for real for the first time.

Week 10 was the week we were going to tell our daughter & begin the journey to family for Christmas. Our daughter was beyond excited. She was already making plans. She was the best big sister ever!

The next day she could hardly contain her excitement as we were going to tell my husbands parents. Tears, smiles, hugs and congratulations were in order after breaking the good news. But a couple hours later I started to have slight cramping and instead of getting better my heart & body went on a journey I never thought it could handle.

The details into that night are too much for me to write out. The ER visit was horrific. What I was going through was unstoppable medically speaking and those working there did not acknowledge my sons life. With that perspective I know why I was treated as if what I was going through was not a big deal. 

Instead of a proper burial my baby is swimming in sewage because he was flushed down the toilet in the ER. Losing life and not being able to control what your body is doing is horrifying. 

Because of our miracle I have this need for people to know our son. He was important. He was not a blob of cells. His heart beat like yours and like mine. God still did a miracle in my body to be able to conceive and carry for 10 weeks. Those weeks I will cherish for the rest of my life. Our son helped my faith to grow. Impossible is fading out of my life. God is good and He never changes. 

Please meet our son. 

(Drawing by artist Brynna Hosszu)

His name is Michael which means, “Who is like God?”. It is a name passed down in my husbands family. When I give birth to my rainbow baby, Michael will be their middle name just like his Daddy and in remembrance of his big brother who prepared the way.

Michael you were and continue to be loved. It was a fun adventure while we had you with us, tiny as you were! 

Here are some of my favorite memories with you:

(We didn’t even know that we were a family of 4 during these fun moments in October)

(My first big ministry event knowing you were growing in my belly. It was a miracle I didn’t faint on stage due to sickness & fatigue. I remember telling you, “Okay baby, time to go worship God together! Let’s slay the enemy!” Photo Cred: Austin Groskopf, @agroskopf33)

(Family Thanksgiving 2017 two weeks early)

(Together for Thanksgiving at Long Beach)

(Our last full day together at Heritage Kids Family Christmas)

(This was our announcement photo. I bought 4 large stockings expecting your first Christmas with us would have been in 2018)

Enjoy time with Jesus & with my Mom sweet child. 

We love you Michael! 

Do It Again

2018 is on the horizon and I have many things on my mind. I have spent 2017 forgiving many, loving fiercely and surrendering my soul to my mighty God. There are many questions I have and many prayers I’m waiting for the Lord to answer. 

He has done great things for my heart, my soul & for my family. He has delivered me from pain & healed my body. He has set me free.

My biggest question going into 2018 is, “Will you do it again?” 

Every day for the past week and a half I have asked God this question. I have wept and I have spent hours into the night interceding for my family. There is so much on my heart that I cannot give up hope believing will happen. 

I have spent my time watching the boxing scene in Rocky where he did not win that battle but he put up one good fight & remained standing. This is 2017. 

2018 will be the year I see God do it again. I will go back in that boxing ring and win! It will be my year full of laughter & joy. 

I have listened to this song every day for the past week and a half. It has been my anthem. God is good. He is faithful. ⬇

“Do It Again” Elevation Worship

The Circle

Church service had ended and I was talking with a sweet couple. Soon I went to move and found myself surrounded by a circle of people. I made a joke and hugged some of these precious people. I could have just waved it off but I realized that these people in some sense surround me often with prayer.

For a large part of my life I felt betrayed, alone, & sometimes exposed. I didn’t feel safe or known. No more. 

As I was reflecting on my past and seeing the extreme difference in my present it made me smile. It was just a circle of people surrounding me but it was more than that. It was an example of what is & what will be. 

God goes before you and he stands behind you. He places people in your life to surround you and go on the front lines in prayer on your behalf. You are never alone. You are loved.

I love the people in the circle. They are a reflection of God’s heart for me. 

My heart is full of gratefulness.

I am blessed.


Is there a word that better describes grateful, thankful, or blessed? Joy? 

The past month has renewed hope within me for the impossible. I cannot describe it. I could not tell you when it happened. One day I woke up & all of a sudden what seemed impossible no longer looked or felt impossible. Childlike faith & joy was  restored. It was not like I lost it but the pain that God delivered me from has now enabled joy to invade every part that was ever damaged.

Words are not adequate. Giving my life will never convey how grateful I am for all that God has done for me and my family. 

Just this past week alone I have found myself wanting to shout praises to God! Simple things like being greeted from our cat at home have made me say “thank you”. Or the time she fell out of our window this past week & bounced off the side table onto the floor because she fell asleep there (she didn’t get hurt and I laughed a lot). 

What really gets me is when I see my daughter smile at me & tell me unsolicited, “I really love you Kara”. I love hugs from my husband & waking up knowing he is excited that I’m the first person he sees. 

I am grateful for voxers & phone calls with friends who have lasted the test of time & distance. I love that others have adopted me & love me without an expectation of what my response may be. Love has literally consumed my heart that it often feels as if it will burst.

Grateful? Thankful? Those words do not cut it. Those words merely express a tiny piece of what is in my soul. 

I am living in freedom! 

Joy is life.

Now I know what it means to laugh my way through trials. Do you want to know why?

Because my God is going to do the impossible! There is no way the enemy can win.