My amazing husband and I were talking the other day about mercy after reading Micah 7. This followed a conversation I had with a good friend the night prior about how I was living in His mercy every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). It is an amazing truth!
It is hard to see heart-wrenching things happening all around us. I have asked, as have many of you, why God hasn’t done something sooner to help a situation or specific person.
As I was processing out loud with my hubs I said things like, “I know God doesn’t like it when people hurt his kids. I know he is for our daughter but I don’t understand why he hasn’t switched things around more?”
His response was wise and it hit me in my gut, “He is extending mercy to her Mom. It took me 30 years to finally give my life to him and he extended me mercy over and over again. Why wouldn’t he do the same for her?” (I am so blessed by him!) 🙂
Finally it made sense. I need to extend mercy more. My Mama bear heart can contend for justice but it also can extend mercy to someone who is really in need. I can speak truth in love and still extend mercy. When it is hardest to love mercy (Micah 6:8) get on your knees & pray.
I need mercy. You need mercy. My enemies need mercy.
God is a good God. He is faithful. He waits for each of us because he loves us so much.
You are worth it (even my enemies).
I have to be honest for a moment. There are so many things that I want to write about but I am hesitant to because there are some things better kept quiet for this season. Eventually there will be a time when I can write about all sorts of triumphs & victories after mighty battles. If you sense that I am being vague, it is to honor certain people I hold dear as well as protect those that are innocent. Our words can cause so much pain even if the truth is being told. I want to write words that speak life, and encourage readers in times of great struggles yet address great difficulties at the right time.
In church today I realized how much my mind is changing. Getting rid of toxic thoughts and surrounding myself with non-toxic people have led me to a place of such joy & freedom. I still have a lot of work to do but I can honestly say that I have noticed a change in my life. Praise is on my lips even amidst trials. Truth is in the front of my mind rather than lies. Because I know whose I am and He is good & mighty & powerfully loving, not wanting any sin to taint me, or someone to mess with me, I am able to rest. No matter what happens I rest without fear of tomorrow.
Life can be hard but my joy does not depend on my circumstances. My joy comes from the One that never changes. He is always faithful, is always good & never gives up on me. He is my constant one. He is the only one I need to look to for my worth. He is always there when I am alone. He understands every tear & speaks life into my identity so that I can slay the enemy once my feet hit the ground every morning.
Grace is extended during imperfect moments when my emotions are on overload & pain is expressed outwardly. Every time I invite him into the mess, healing occurs. A new level of confidence grows and new levels of joy flood my soul after failure or heartache is turned to victory.
Surrender and healing is worth the hard work. Just like others work hard for that hot body, I am working on my soul.
Several weeks ago a certain part of my life was met with some serious confrontation. It began with the injustices over certain things happening with my daughter. I remember dropping her off after having a full two weeks together. When we made it home I cried myself to sleep. I love my girl so much & the battle she endures tears my heart up inside.
The following weeks I began praying differently. I was filled with boldness & confidence knowing God wants justice. And all of a sudden it hit me. I didn’t believe God wanted justice for me. This realization hit me so hard that it almost felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I grieved the fact that for the majority of my life I did not know my worth. For years I allowed people to treat me awful, always with the thought that it was my fault. I figured that since they said I was to blame that it must be true.
Be careful who you listen to. Be careful the ones you allow to sow things into your soul.
It can be hard when those in your life that are supposed to love & care for your heart fail miserably. When it comes down to who matters, Gods opinion of you is the only one that will have eternal impact.
Several days ago I was able to have a pep talk with my daughter. I told her that just because important people in her life place conditions on their love for her & treat her awful does not & will never decrease her value. Her value only increases. She is priceless. Because of Jesus she is able to know that her value is not & will never be dependent on other people loving her back the way she needs them to in return. God has her back. With God she gets better with time just like fine wine & in that case her value increases everyday no matter who neglects or abuses her.
The day I shared this with her was also a reminder of the enemy slaying I had just done the weeks before.
Therefore, this summer has been an epic one, slaying the enemy left & right!
Justice for my daughter.
Justice for my husband.
Justice for me (I finally believe it)!
I felt compelled to declare this truth today. We have been walking our daughter through some difficult things. Her sweet heart has been holding onto guilt for things completely out of her control.
The more that lies are said and hurtful things are done I can see how pointless it all is. Do you want to know why?
Because love wins.
As long as I choose Jesus, forgiveness & love, nothing can compare to Him. I have started saying, “I forgive you” out loud because I want love to reign in my heart. Ever since I have started to do this I have literally seen a shift occur. Truth surfaces & a confidence in Jesus & who I am deepens.
Dear ones, when life hurts due to the actions & words of others choose love.
Mother’s Day is coming up & in my network of Step Mom’s I have seen posts communicating both dread & of blessings. For those that call themselves childless Step Mom’s, as in they are a Step parent only & have no biological children, it is a day filled with a bit of grief. We live in a difficult culture of double standards, disrespect & harsh stereotypes. Most of the time I hear the same thing over & over again from my fellow Step Mom network, Mother’s Day is hard. It is hard for any blended family.
You are seen, you are known. Everything that you do matters more than you will ever know.
Too often we can place expectations on a specific day & have it end in disappointment. This year I advise my fellow Step Mom’s to realize their important worth while releasing their step kids from responding a certain way. Perhaps this year you can give a card to your step kids to tell them how special they are. Any way that we can give our kids permission to love every family member even if they are not ready to love you in return quite yet is a way to win the day.
Through it all, how you choose to love is what matters the most. Even if you feel overlooked, or under appreciated know that you are known. Your love is being written on your kids heart whether they show any love back to you in return. They will remember how you made them feel. They will remember your embrace, your words, & how you treated their biological parents.
You matter. God loves you. To love your kids is to reveal a piece of God’s heart for everyone.
I literally have three different Step Mom posts in my draft folders. There are several reasons for this. My fellow Step Mom friends will understand that the role we choose to take on is full of rejection, back stabbing and hard holy work as we love and cherish our kids. Sometimes we struggle with our roles because it can change depending on what our child needs at the time and what family gathering we might be at.
To begin I want to talk about honor. Too often honor gets dumped out as things get messy sharing kids back and forth between homes. Our daughter has three and you can just begin to imagine how difficult that is. Ever since the day I officially had the privilege to start my Step Mom role I wanted to make sure that my daughter’s Bio Mom was respected and honored. This can often feel difficult when it is not reciprocated. I have walked through a constant grieving process as I have honored her Mom and Grandma’s role. I would be quiet at mutual gatherings, stand back and watch rather than introduce myself, and go without hugging my daughter.
I would be careful with every word and every action because I feared any backlash upon my husband and daughter. Fear kept me from being fully myself. But I am so sick of this. I am sick of believing lies about myself.
I used to believe the lie that I made things worse. It seemed like the more I loved her, and supported her Daddy, the more both of them would receive backlash. For that reason, I hid in the shadows and remained quiet. But I felt like I was the big elephant in the room no matter what I did.
We are not welcome and our daughter continues to pay tremendously just because we are in her life.
I used to cringe at the thought of knowing that by showing any love for her in person would end poorly for her later. It made me want to stop anything just to protect her from the verbal and emotional abuse later. But why would I choose to not love when she so desperately needed it? Which one was better for her to go without? Why would I choose both lack of love on my end as well as the other end?
So I choose to love no matter what. I pray and weep knowing what she often faces for our love but at least she knows love. At least she knows the difference. I hope one day, ashes will fall and she will rise victoriously courageous knowing who she is and that she is deeply loved even if other people show her and tell her the opposite. I hope that what she remembers is that we chose her. I hope she remembers love, the unconditional love that remained through every trial, heartache, and joy.
Yes, daughter, you are chosen. You have been fought for. You are loved. You have been made victorious!