The Not So Evil Stepmom

Do you ever wonder if your love is breaking through to your stepkids?

Are you in a situation where the other parent is not easy to work with? Is life often like a rollercoaster due to the parental alienation tactics that brainwash each child that you love?

Do not give up. Do not stop loving your kids. 

Through the years my husband and I have learned some simple things that have helped our daughter have a “place of her own”. What is unique about her is that she has three homes rather than just one or two. It has been crucial to try to find something for her that is stable, safe & her own “home”. I will share a few tricks we have learned & maybe it will help someone get creative for their current situation.

Our kids deserve stability, safety & love. Stepmom, if you are not doing your part to help then you are joining the “problem”. Do not allow the stereotypical label of “Stepmom” or the vile actions from the other side validate your wrong reactions. Respond instead in love & extend mercy.

I strongly believe that my role as a Stepmom is to help facilitate the best relationship that my daughter can have with her Dad. On a similar note I believe I am to encourage all parental roles (in our case it would be bio-mom & grandma/grandpa) to work together for the good of our daughter. This means no trash talking anyone, and never ever taking out your frustration on your child or spouse from the unfair, illegal actions being done from the other side. At the end of the day if it feels you have bitten off your tongue you’ve done well (so pat yourself on the back… Yay).

I’ve also learned that there are appropriate times & ways to speak truth in love. For example, if a child has been misbehaving and the other side keeps making statements about how bad their child is, insinuating it is your husbands fault, I believe it is okay to say how good of a kid and Daddy they are. A child may misbehave but that does not make them bad nor does it necessarily mean one parent is to blame.

Create special traditions that are not dictated by specific dates. This year we do not get our daughter for Thanksgiving & it also lands on our weekend, which BM will not allow to be made up. So we plan our own Thanksgiving & stick to our traditional meal that is special to us. The times you share should not be dictated by having special dates on the actual day. It can always be done differently and creatively. This is a fact you’ll have to get used to. Greive it as you need to but do not get hung up on it. 

Give your child something that can be shared amongst all households. This will be the equivalent of “home” for your child. This could be a backpack, a stuffed animal or a small bag with items. Whatever it is this will be & can be the one stable thing that they can carry back & forth that will not change for them. You will find this provides a “safety” feature that often is not felt in each home. 

Never give up. Never give in. Keep loving. Keep hoping. Keep showing up and following through. 

Your impact is great. 

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Enemy Slaying & Justice

Several weeks ago a certain part of my life was met with some serious confrontation. It began with the injustices over certain things happening with my daughter. I remember dropping her off after having a full two weeks together. When we made it home I cried myself to sleep. I love my girl so much & the battle she endures tears my heart up inside.

The following weeks I began praying differently. I was filled with boldness & confidence knowing God wants justice. And all of a sudden it hit me. I didn’t believe God wanted justice for me. This realization hit me so hard that it almost felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I grieved the fact that for the majority of my life I did not know my worth. For years I allowed people to treat me awful, always with the thought that it was my fault. I figured that since they said I was to blame that it must be true.

Be careful who you listen to. Be careful the ones you allow to sow things into your soul. 

It can be hard when those in your life that are supposed to love & care for your heart fail miserably. When it comes down to who matters, Gods opinion of you is the only one that will have eternal impact. 

Several days ago I was able to have a pep talk with my daughter. I told her that just because important people in her life place conditions on their love for her & treat her awful does not & will never decrease her value. Her value only increases. She is priceless. Because of Jesus she is able to know that her value is not & will never be dependent on other people loving her back the way she needs them to in return. God has her back. With God she gets better with time just like fine wine & in that case her value increases everyday no matter who neglects or abuses her.

The day I shared this with her was also a reminder of the enemy slaying I had just done the weeks before.

Therefore, this summer has been an epic one, slaying the enemy left & right! 

Justice. 

Justice for my daughter.

Justice for my husband.

Justice for me (I finally believe it)!