The Step in Mother’s Day


Mother’s Day is coming up & in my network of Step Mom’s I have seen posts communicating both dread & of blessings. For those that call themselves childless Step Mom’s, as in they are a Step parent only & have no biological children, it is a day filled with a bit of grief. We live in a difficult culture of double standards, disrespect & harsh stereotypes. Most of the time I hear the same thing over & over again from my fellow Step Mom network, Mother’s Day is hard. It is hard for any blended family. 

You are seen, you are known. Everything that you do matters more than you will ever know. 

Too often we can place expectations on a specific day & have it end in disappointment. This year I advise my fellow Step Mom’s to realize their important worth while releasing their step kids from responding a certain way. Perhaps this year you can give a card to your step kids to tell them how special they are. Any way that we can give our kids permission to love every family member even if they are not ready to love you in return quite yet is a way to win the day. 

Through it all, how you choose to love is what matters the most. Even if you feel overlooked, or under appreciated know that you are known. Your love is being written on your kids heart whether they show any love back to you in return. They will remember how you made them feel. They will remember your embrace, your words, & how you treated their biological parents. 

You matter. God loves you. To love your kids is to reveal a piece of God’s heart for everyone. 

Grab The Tissues And Be You

IMG_2561

Mother’s Day.

It is a day of blessing for some but dreaded by many others.

This is a post I wish I had been able to read years ago when many often snubbed me once people found out that my daughter did not come from my own womb. I have experienced labor pains unknown to many. I have wept in the secret. I have loved fiercely and continue to even when it is hard.

I am writing to all those today that are often overlooked. The name or title of “Mom” has many other titles.

If you are a foster Mom, adoptive Mom, a Stepmom, an Aunt, Nanny, and/or are barren: God sees you. He knows that this weekend is hard for you. Do not feel less than just because you have not given birth. I know plenty of women who have given birth that have done nothing close to being awarded Mom status. In many ways, it is about your heart for that is where God births Mom’s to begin with.

For those who Mother a child who is not of your bloodline: because of what Jesus did on the cross, his blood erased man-made bloodlines to form a family all together different. This child is yours. And you are their Mother. Never doubt what God has formed in your heart even though it never formed in your womb.

God births Mom’s. He does not care whether your womb has been full or empty for he forms families differently than we often acknowledge.

You are needed. I know the pain you must feel when someone asks you when you are going to have your own or when they make remarks that unknowingly discount your vital role of being Mom. Your kids need you. Your nieces and nephews need you, as well as the kids you nanny. The kids in the nursery, toddler classes, and kindergarten through 5th grade on Sundays need you. There will be more kids that will need you. The world needs your example for your love is a glimpse of agape (unconditional, God love).

You are valued. Whether or not you are acknowledged or thanked often, you are changing the life of a beautiful soul that thinks the world of you. God sees everything you do and how you love even when it is hard. Your Momma heart has a greater influence than you will ever know.

If Mother’s day is hard for you, go ahead and grab those tissues and cry. But never stop being you. Keep loving fiercely, giving sacrificially, and extending mercy and grace to those who do not deserve it. Never doubt who you are. You are mighty. You are Mom. God made it so and nothing can change that.

IMG_2562

(Missing my Mom who taught me how to be one. I need a new tissue box!)

The Mother’s Day Blues

IMG_1717 IMG_1713

Most recently my inbox has been getting over run by Mothers day ads. These messages have been making me feel much sadder than I anticipated. Mother’s day is already a hard day for me. Being a Step Mom does not qualify you in the eyes of many in society and the day can often feel awkward and sad for me. Now on top of this day, I get to be reminded that I am motherless. There are happy memories and I am grateful for the gift that my Mom was. But I am still working through feelings of longing for what others still have… their Mom.


The hardest part for me recently is to not feel sadness deep in my heart when I hear my friends talk about their Mom. I miss so many things about my own. When others begin to talk about times with their Mom, whether it is shopping, having her pay for their meal, being Grandma to their kids, and on it goes, I have to do a mental and emotional check within me. I have to remind myself that it is fine to greatly miss my own Mom while celebrating with those around me that they still have the gift of theirs.


The Lord is still doing His good work deep within me as I grieve and learn what letting go looks like. As Mother’s day gets closer I have found myself working through a normal order of emotions. I begin with dreading the day, to accepting that I cannot hide under my covers and weep with sorrow. Then I acknowledge that I can celebrate who my Mom was, while embracing and showing love to my other Mother figures (or fellow Mom friends) in my life. It is a strange mingling of emotions mixed with reality. Reality is that there are still so many here with me that I cherish. I do not want to lose sight of who they are amidst my own sorrow. I want to live in the moment because living in the moment does not mean forgetting or dishonoring my Mom. In fact, living in the moment, laughing with tears in my eyes, crying for a time, and loving those in my life all honor her memory.


If Mothers day is a hard day for you as well, this is my word of encouragement to you today: Do not be ashamed of the pain and sorrow in your heart, nor hide the tears that want to fall to the ground. Let those tears fall. Let those tears purify and cleanse the ache inside your soul. Know that God understands the pain, the sorrow and the longings in your heart. Sometimes Mother’s day is hard because you miss your Mom. Perhaps you have been grieving a miscarriage. Other times it is hard because you long to be a Mom and yet to have that become a reality. Whatever reason you have, God knows the desires of your heart. He has heard your cries. Do not give up hope.


He will make something beautiful out of the mess you feel you may be in.